End of Season Tour (The Marmite Tour!)

SCC End Or Season Tour 2022 - Norfolk (The Marmite Tour) 

Members of the peloton: John Hepburn, Pat, Bruce, Chris Bee, Duncan, Julian, Laurence, Martin, Steve Westcough and Tat. 

Our adventure began at Cambridge North where eight of our group (minus Duncan who was to join us later) set off along the busway, soon to stumble at the first hurdle navigating roadworks. We were shortly back on track and out into the Cambridgeshire countryside. Flat and sunny riding led us towards Norfolk and Mildenhall for our first lunch stop at the Half Moon pub for BOGOF burgers and beers, almost all round. Including a ‘green’ burger that was actually green! The highlight of the morning was Chris Bee drafting a tractor along a country road, showing us that he still can’t resist those old racing instincts. 

Julian’s route as ride leader only leading us astray down a dead end road once before lunch, forcing us to retrace our steps past an old railway line. Passing cornfields and sugar beet in the hot sun, busy traffic dictated that we split the group to enable easier and safer passage of vehicles. Though soon it transpired that not one of the group could count, as the group sizes fluctuated wildly. 

Turning off the busy A roads onto Harling Drove we were almost glad of the gravel, and soon wished we were still on it as the road turned to sand, shot with shale, reminiscent of a desert, with a few roots thrown in for good measure. Images of Lawrence of Arabia were etched inside our eyelids against the rays as we were forced to drudge through the sand pushing our trusty steeds in place of camels for around 2 miles in the heat, our shoes filling with the grains as our spirits dropped. Martin looking downtrodden, the seemingly endless trek triggering memories of long beach hikes from his childhood, the troup trudged on. Confused by the number of parked vehicles containing solo and coupled passengers in this wilderness, some of whom were lacking clothing, multiple theories were soon put forth for their presence, dogging being the most popular by far! 

The relief was undeniable when we eventually came to a tarmac cross road, as we all paused to pour sand from our shoes and devise alternate routes to avoid more of the same. After the dust bowl interlude, the final leg of the first day was pleasant and we arrived somewhat later than planned in Great Ellingham, Laurence winning the first sprint finish, or was it Chris Bee? (a disagreement over where the finish line was leaves the victor of the ‘whippersnapper’ versus pensioner race still in dispute) to be greeted by our President John Hepburn at the door of the Crown pub. 

A few short minutes later we had arrived at our digs, weary and in need of a freshen up, only to be jolted back to alertness by an explosion echoing around the driveway, when a blowout from Bruce’s inner tube took the tyre clean off the rim. After the excitement died down we all slunk off to our rooms (Bruce to his separate accommodation on a local farm, hoping the predictions of sleeping in the pigsty and killing his own breakfast were unfounded), to wash the remainder of the sand from between our toes. 

We reconvened for dinner at the Crown, joined by John and Pat, and later Duncan, for an outstanding dinner with plenty of beer and cider to wash it down. Post prandially, Duncan’s soon to become famous bag of maps and a couple of lengths of string marked with pen denoting map scales appeared and were spread ceremoniously on the dais in the pub to conceive a route for the second day of riding. Somewhere in the realm of 60 miles was all that could be extracted from him upon questioning of the planned distance, which aroused early suspicion amongst some members of the peloton of the following days ride leader. Martin could be heard muttering “its a thankless task being ride leader”. 

The advent of the following morning saw the group gathering for a ‘continental breakfast’ of cereal and toast. The disappointment was palpable by all upon discovering an empty marmite jar in the fridge and there may have been a hint of jealousy at the knowledge of Bruce enjoying his home cooked, locally sourced, full English just a short distance away. Marmite (or lack of it) soon became the theme of the weekend,  and a mission to replenish it for the next morning key in keeping the team motivated, ‘Say Marmite!’ even replacing ‘say cheese!’ in group photos. 

After a quick group photo (‘say Marmite!’), we left John and Pat to do their own thing in the local area and started our day heading towards Shipdham and onwards with the weather on our side, stopping for Steve (shockingly the only one on the tour), to explore the local churches of Bradenham on his own personal Who Do You Think You Are? Journey, searching for evidence of Whiskars (the name of his great, great, great grandfather) in the church records and headstones. Discovering in one, a world war 2 museum that informed us Nelsons grandfather had been a rector in the local area during the 1700’s. We headed onwards towards Dereham where an apparent lack of decent coffee saw us splitting between Costa and the Sunshine cafe (with a fabulous panorama of London Town across the wall) for elevenses. 

Our collective carried on through picturesque villages and past pig farms (much to my delight, pigs being my favourite animal) towards our lunch destination of Norwich city centre. Close to our target, a hungry group of dissenters put forward stopping short when passing a welcoming pub on the outskirts, only to be encouraged to press on by the ride leader, promising only 2 miles further, diligently checking his ordinance survey maps attached to his handlebars, the route marked in highlighter. When two miles became four and a half there was audible rebellion within the ranks, but all was forgiven when we arrived at our landing place of Norwich market and filled our grumbling stomachs with pizza and curry. 

Refuelled and refreshed, we recommenced our journey with a minor wrong turn causing more murmurs at Mulbarton. Wishing to avoid an unpleasant scene, a much appreciated stop for ice lollies under the Market Cross in Wymondham was factored in before the home stretch. Where Ian met a fellow fixie, and where we picked up a couple of local youths. Riding what appeared to be a stolen Norwich city hire bike and a BMX, they accompanied us for a couple of miles to the edge of town, where the group split in a final fit of mutiny between the scenic map route and the ‘direct’ bike computer route. Upon realising we were riding another eight miles to Great Ellingham, the youths decided against accompanying us further (f*** that!, were their exact words I believe), we bid our goodbyes and they returned to their peers. 

The two groups arrived back at the accommodation in close succession, Laurence having won the sprint finish, without dispute on this occasion. 

After a quick shower, (and a swim for Duncan, who came dangerously close to a completing a triathlon…), it was back to the Crown for another evening of superb dining, accompanied by more beer, wine, and whisky for Bruce, all topped off with outstanding service. Kudos to the waitress for recognising that yes, it was in fact the same guy (Laurence) whose meal was late both nights running! 

On the final morning, the appearance of a fresh pot of Marmite in the fridge caused jubilation and was carried ceremoniously across the room, held aloft by Martin and was hastily passed around the group to sample its delights. Replenished, 8 of us set forth on the last day of riding, returning to Cambridge North, replacing Martin with Duncan, the former heading to the local train station. Julian once again taking up the mantle of ride leader to navigate us back from whence we came. 

The route was direct and swift and once again the weather fairies were smiling on us as we made our way through the beautiful countryside, making sure to indulge Julian’s ever growing collection of village signs (16 in total for the entire tour - in order of appearance; Wicken; Mildenhall; Wretham; Great Ellingham; Cranworth; Bradenham; Scarning; Elsing; Swainthorpe; Wymondham; Attleborough; Honington; Hargrave; Swaffham Bulbeck; Stow Cum Quy). 

We arrived without incident for lunch at the Old Cannon Brewery in Bury St Edmunds in good time to sample their flavoursome beer on 1/3 pint sharing planks and their appetising lunch menu, joined for a swift half by Pat and John en route with our luggage to Cambridge. 

Full and weary, the final leg of the tour began without incident. Stopping for a team photo at Hargrave this soon changed as Chris Bee stashed crab apples to use as ammo, his target being the rest of the peloton, evocative of Just William. Luckily for us with relatively poor aim. 

Around 15 minutes from Cambridge North, the second mechanical of the weekend occurred, unluckily for Bruce the same mechanical and the same rider with yet another inner tube blowout, thankfully not on a busy main road. Expertly aided by Ian we were soon on our way again and all too soon saying our goodbyes at the end of yet another fantastically organised Southgate Cycling Club tour. A special thank you goes out to John for all the work put into this delightful late summer excursion. A great time was had by all.